Many people have no idea what it is like to be the spouse of a pastor. Many wives have husbands who when they leave work, all of those duties are left at work until their spouse returns there.
However, as a pastors wife, your husband does not belong to just you any longer. When he is at church he is at work. When he is at home he is at work. And even when you are on vacation he is STILL at work.
There is always someone needing something, someone seeking advice, someone sick in the hospital that needs visiting, or that thing going on that needs his input. Therefore, there is always the calls, txts, or emails coming in that disrupt the life of a pastor and get in the way of the pastors personal and family life.
Yes, He answered this call. So, he should expect and accept this responsibility with open arms because its what God called him to do.
But, many pastors wives would probably like you to know a few things about what its like to live in her world before you pick up that phone to call her husband, or before you judge her or her husband.
1. She is not perfect. He is not perfect. And tho they may try their best to be good Godly examples and follow Gods guidance for their ministry for your congregation, they are still HUMAN and make mistakes.
2. Just because her husband is the pastor of the church, does not mean that she is obligated or required to pick up the slack for the rest of you not doing your part as a part of the body of Christ. She needs her own time to worship and be spiritually fed like the rest of you. So do not volunteer her for things she does not feel led or volunteer to do herself.
3. Before you pick up that phone, ask yourself... "is this important enough to call right now? Can it wait until sunday or Wednesday or until his next office hours?"
If not, of course give him a call. But if it can wait, please do.
Its just as important for the pastor to be with his family as it is for you to be with yours. Dont rob him of that. He loves you, but he also needs to love his family and meet their needs. Dont forget hes also a husband and father, not just your pastor.
4. Many pastors wives feel alienated from the rest of the congregation. Why? Because she knows your eyes are always on her. Youre watching her parenting, how she dresses, how she reacts and interacts with others, and even if you dont realize it, you hold her to a higher standard and are quick to notice the things that are not up to your standards. She knows this, and is trying her best to be what you want her to be. SO, cut her some slack! Invite her to lunch! Get to know the real her, and accept her and appreciate her for who she is. Because really, that's all she desires.
5. Just because she is not at church every time the doors are open, it does not mean she does not support her husband or his ministry with you. She is also a mother, a sister, a daughter, a human being who also has a life outside of the church walls, and responsibilities that need attention as well.
6. She wants you to know that she is a part of her husbands ministry and desires the same respect you give her husband. They are one body, therefore they are a team. They think and pray together about the ministry they have with you, so do not put her down or ignore her just because she is a woman. Her other half is a man, your pastor, so treat her with the same care, love, support and attention.
7. She wants you to know that her children are HER children. Her rules apply, not yours. Yes, the saying "it takes a village to raise a child" may apply in certain circumstances, but do not override her authority over her children while at church. Just because you think its okay for Susie to wear her sunday dress on the playground, does not mean its okay with mom and dad. Save outside play for sunday or weds night, that goes for painting too!
8. If you do not agree with something she or her husband has done or said...tell THEM. Not the guy next to you in the pew, or the little old lady who may be sympathetic to your view, or even your sunday school teacher. Its certainly not biblical, and can very well be considered gossip. If you tell everyone else, and not the source of your concern...how can it be fixed or at least addressed? If you have a genuine concern, then voice it privately. A pastor and his wife want to help you, but they cant if they are the only ones who are not aware there is a problem.
9. A pastors wife wants to know you appreciate her just as much as her husband. You celebrate her husband on pastor appreciation sunday, but have you ever celebrated her? Yes, he is the pastors brings your message during services, but what about the work she does?
10. Do you realize the sacrifices she makes in her family so that you can have access to her husband 24 hours a day? I bet you dont realize the hard work she put into a meal, only to have her husband absent from the table because you've called. Or what about the late nights she struggles to get homework done with all three children by herself because you've held the pastor up after the service talking about trivial stuff that really doesn't matter? Are you aware of the times her husband leaves her side to be with you? Or how about the first time hes had time to snuggle up beside her for the first time in a month, only to have it abruptly disturbed because you decided to drop by to discuss the budget or your concern for the decisions made at the last business meeting?
Dont get me wrong, of course a pastor's wife realizes very quickly the sacrifices she is going to make when her husband enters into ministry. She accepts that responsibility, and a good pastor's wife never complains about those sacrifices she has to make to share him with you.
BUT be mindful of those sacrifices, and please appreciate and acknowledge them. Dont forget all shes giving up, so that you can feel you have a pastor who is a part of your life and active in the life of your church and community. Dont forget to celebrate her too, because its very possible she is just as involved, if not more, as her husband in the things going on in his ministry with you.
